It is a Crude Cruelty to Simply Break Pencils
This is the last week here in Ottawa. The next blog will likely be the last - of this chapter of an ever-unfolding life anyway. It has been such a journey, something that will continue to reverberate through my system long after I have come back to Toronto.
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Have you ever felt like something you thought you understood very well was suddenly proved to be utterly false? I mean, totally blown apart, having your understanding rewritten?
That happened for me, in many ways, and it happened while I was with children. They have a way of really shaking things up you know, both literally and metaphorically.
For the end of this internship I was scheduled to participate in a Vacation Bible School (VBS) with children from ages of 5-11. During this week it has really taught me a few really profound and simple things about us as people, because children are honest enough not to try and hide what is going on with them; they show all their cards; those cards were startling, more so than tarot cards with all their color and charm.
Ordinary Cruelty
Can I share a secret? When I was younger I used to be called 'Roach' by some people, and it really put me down - it was depressing, deflating. It created this ball, this knot of emotion, a feeling of smallness. Seeing your name taken and used to degrade you (at least in your eyes) is never much of a feeling.
I don't say this to conjure pity or something, only to bring you to the set of feelings that emerged, all of a sudden, in my mind as I was going towards my class on Monday. I wanted to tell the children my name, my first name, but I immediately felt a twinge, a warning light flare in my heart.
'Don't do that!' it seemed to say. 'The children will take it and, before you know it, that name will be back in circulation.'
Now, you might that that is a bit of an exaggeration - I assure that it isn't. During the last few days I've seen children smirk at another struggling to speak simple sentences, put others down because they're too busy lifting themselves up, and contradict leaders to either see them stumble or to rebel against the authority simply because it's there.
How interesting that was for me because, as we tend to think (at least if we're not married and have children!), kids are innocent bundles of joy, tears, and needs, but we are inculcated and soaked in this idea that children could not be inherently bad - God forbid! But it is quite obvious that a set of parents might have raised their children quite well and still see their child exhibit a set of character traits that are destructive and overflowing with self-interest. They have a kind of ordinary cruelty, an almost crude type of cruelty, because they don't have that refinement of adults. They don't have the reach of adults so they exercise harm over those they can. And it isn't just the boisterous, it's the quiet ones as well; it manifests differently is all. Of course, I believe that human nature is essentially flawed, twisted up, like a tree that got stunted and contorted into many directions. Sometimes you see the bend sooner, other times later; all in time.
All the same, some of them just break pencils to see the shards;
it was something of a revelation.
Boys and Girls and the Differences
Something else that I saw that threw me off quite a bit was this: boys and girls, they are very different! Now - you think to yourself - that sounds quite self-evident. But this is not what we might hear today - in the air and currents of popular opinion is this concept of equality between the sexes, that there are no differences. At most, only slight differences - never push for real, intractable, obstinate, uncompromising differences. But that is just what one sees in a room full of boys and girls.
Girls, by and large, are attentive, good listeners and can absorb and retain the information that is given. Even if they are not too interested they are able to keep themselves in order and exude the same to their environment (which for me evokes much gratitude!!) - this is blatantly not the case with the boys in my class. With those who are disinterested it is the most - the most I tell you! - I can do to get them to put their butts on the seats and to keep their Bibles open. They find about 15 different ways to sit on the couch, including, however they manage it, even upside down! They are orbs of restless energy, the excess vitality shaking off them; it is fascinating; it is different.
To the rebuttal that there are exceptions, I much agree (an exceptional observation) - but the exceptions prove the rule, and there is certainly a rule, a norm. We are fast to shake off the concept of 'normal' but that is clearly against the data and facts. To use an analogy, it is no use yelling to a river to flow in multiple directions as it determinedly flows and snakes by you, moving consistently and clearly; moving in a clear direction. While there are stray rivulets and unexpected departures from a river, the majority of water will flow - over and against all protestation - where it flows.
Honesty
The final thing, one which I appreciate, is the overall honesty of children. They do not have much time to be deceptive (though some do spare some of their endless energy to the endeavor). Still, on my first day I looked at the children - the running and the screaming, the quiet and the quizzical - and had a sensation, a remembrance of a buried line:
'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.' - Jesus, Mt. 19:14
I love that, because though they are squirmy, sometimes monstrous, little things, they are also trusting and open and honest enough to know that they're incomplete - they grasp with little hands, and so also those of the Kingdom of Heaven have stretched out their arms, holding onto the cross, entering into the Father's home. We still grasp the things we love with the grip of children.
-----
It's been interesting, having to teach and help teaching children. I hope that I'll grow and old and young together; who says we can't, in the best ways, always be children?
Love ya'll.
Til the next time.
-----
Have you ever felt like something you thought you understood very well was suddenly proved to be utterly false? I mean, totally blown apart, having your understanding rewritten?
That happened for me, in many ways, and it happened while I was with children. They have a way of really shaking things up you know, both literally and metaphorically.
For the end of this internship I was scheduled to participate in a Vacation Bible School (VBS) with children from ages of 5-11. During this week it has really taught me a few really profound and simple things about us as people, because children are honest enough not to try and hide what is going on with them; they show all their cards; those cards were startling, more so than tarot cards with all their color and charm.
Ordinary Cruelty
Can I share a secret? When I was younger I used to be called 'Roach' by some people, and it really put me down - it was depressing, deflating. It created this ball, this knot of emotion, a feeling of smallness. Seeing your name taken and used to degrade you (at least in your eyes) is never much of a feeling.
I don't say this to conjure pity or something, only to bring you to the set of feelings that emerged, all of a sudden, in my mind as I was going towards my class on Monday. I wanted to tell the children my name, my first name, but I immediately felt a twinge, a warning light flare in my heart.
'Don't do that!' it seemed to say. 'The children will take it and, before you know it, that name will be back in circulation.'
Now, you might that that is a bit of an exaggeration - I assure that it isn't. During the last few days I've seen children smirk at another struggling to speak simple sentences, put others down because they're too busy lifting themselves up, and contradict leaders to either see them stumble or to rebel against the authority simply because it's there.
How interesting that was for me because, as we tend to think (at least if we're not married and have children!), kids are innocent bundles of joy, tears, and needs, but we are inculcated and soaked in this idea that children could not be inherently bad - God forbid! But it is quite obvious that a set of parents might have raised their children quite well and still see their child exhibit a set of character traits that are destructive and overflowing with self-interest. They have a kind of ordinary cruelty, an almost crude type of cruelty, because they don't have that refinement of adults. They don't have the reach of adults so they exercise harm over those they can. And it isn't just the boisterous, it's the quiet ones as well; it manifests differently is all. Of course, I believe that human nature is essentially flawed, twisted up, like a tree that got stunted and contorted into many directions. Sometimes you see the bend sooner, other times later; all in time.All the same, some of them just break pencils to see the shards;
it was something of a revelation.
Boys and Girls and the Differences
Something else that I saw that threw me off quite a bit was this: boys and girls, they are very different! Now - you think to yourself - that sounds quite self-evident. But this is not what we might hear today - in the air and currents of popular opinion is this concept of equality between the sexes, that there are no differences. At most, only slight differences - never push for real, intractable, obstinate, uncompromising differences. But that is just what one sees in a room full of boys and girls.
Girls, by and large, are attentive, good listeners and can absorb and retain the information that is given. Even if they are not too interested they are able to keep themselves in order and exude the same to their environment (which for me evokes much gratitude!!) - this is blatantly not the case with the boys in my class. With those who are disinterested it is the most - the most I tell you! - I can do to get them to put their butts on the seats and to keep their Bibles open. They find about 15 different ways to sit on the couch, including, however they manage it, even upside down! They are orbs of restless energy, the excess vitality shaking off them; it is fascinating; it is different.
To the rebuttal that there are exceptions, I much agree (an exceptional observation) - but the exceptions prove the rule, and there is certainly a rule, a norm. We are fast to shake off the concept of 'normal' but that is clearly against the data and facts. To use an analogy, it is no use yelling to a river to flow in multiple directions as it determinedly flows and snakes by you, moving consistently and clearly; moving in a clear direction. While there are stray rivulets and unexpected departures from a river, the majority of water will flow - over and against all protestation - where it flows.
Honesty
The final thing, one which I appreciate, is the overall honesty of children. They do not have much time to be deceptive (though some do spare some of their endless energy to the endeavor). Still, on my first day I looked at the children - the running and the screaming, the quiet and the quizzical - and had a sensation, a remembrance of a buried line:
'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.' - Jesus, Mt. 19:14
I love that, because though they are squirmy, sometimes monstrous, little things, they are also trusting and open and honest enough to know that they're incomplete - they grasp with little hands, and so also those of the Kingdom of Heaven have stretched out their arms, holding onto the cross, entering into the Father's home. We still grasp the things we love with the grip of children.
-----
It's been interesting, having to teach and help teaching children. I hope that I'll grow and old and young together; who says we can't, in the best ways, always be children?
Love ya'll.
Til the next time.
That's such a great insight on kids. I met one by chance in the library. He had endless energy and really was in need of a friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks again bro. I'm really happy that you're getting so many different, on going experiences in Ottawa. I like the fact that it wasn't just a few days. I feel it really put you into the experiences instead of treating them like an assignment over a day or two
ReplyDelete