Bubblegum Romance

I really did put my foot in my mouth when I said that Tuesday was falling into a rhythm for me. That just had to be the week that I totally missed out on writing a blog, and now this blog is coming on a Wednesday. Serves me right for trying to predict that I would be able to continue my streak of discipline!

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The past week was long but wonderful. I attended the wedding of a friend, saw a good brother of mine return to his home, and met with the family back in Toronto. I was part of the bridal party and hosted the groomsmen to change at my place, so there were a lot of moving parts in the last week from the Tuesday till the Saturday (so you can forgive me for missing the blog right?). 

It was a beautiful service. My friend thought through the various parts and didn't treat it frivolously, which was marvelous. It was also meticulously planned and well-timed, which helped!

It was also the inspiration of this blog - weddings are a great stimulant to think about one's love life no? It makes you think about where you're at.

Bubblegum Romance

That idea of commitment and marriage, it just isn't our culture right? 

And it led me to think about...bubblegum. 

Here, let me explain.

Does anybody remember those terrible types of chewing gum that used to be out there? There was one in particular that I remember, a shy pink wrapped in blaring yellow and a deeper blue wrapper - entirely incongruent as colors go. (If you'd disagree, try to imagine yourself ever wearing an outfit with those colors!). 

I digress. 

The problem with this bubblegum was that it lost it's taste in virtually no time and you had to reach for another shortly after the first (I'm starting to see why they made it that way...). 

Most modern relationships are kind of like my experience with that gum - chew, and spit out.

We have a culture that has given us the phrases 'the honeymoon is over' and 'the old ball and chain' - talk about having a pessimistic outlook on marriage. 

We see relationships more like that bubblegum - good for a while, then on to the next.

It's dangerous, and it doesn't help any of us mature or think of life in a mature way.

I hate how our culture, our music, our movies, they all push us to think of relationships in terms of bubblegum romance, where it never lasts. It makes for lonely, tired, and wandering hearts.

A Marriage of Meaning*

But that was totally different from what I witnessed at this wedding.

At this wedding I saw:

two people who did not view marriage as something that was meant to fulfill them but as part of the larger goal they had as people before God. 

two people view marriage as part of a larger mission - two friends coming together on a battlefield**. And the mission was not to find their purpose in each other (that's a disaster, because who can bear another's purpose and meaning?) but to pursue a larger purpose together (in my friend's case: giving glory to Christ). 

two people who didn't see marriage as simply finding sexual chemistry or saying, "that person's hot!" but a space for children to grow up, thrive, and bring joy to their community and society.

two people who didn't see marriage as easy, but as hard work, and they were committed to working hard together. 

two people who were willing to change. That's an interesting one, because the myth with many is that we shouldn't be asked to changed - I can hear someone saying that to me for sure! But historically marriage always was meant to change people, to make them better - are we now afraid of that? 

(PS: To be clear, it's the same two people every time!)

A Great Adventure

The wedding made me reconsider the things I knew: Romance isn't serial monogamy or my personal fulfillment, or even a future marriage that would be about me. My friend renewed a vision of marriage for me (born of his Biblical worldview) that was about children and mission; future and the other; duty and the long-term.

It makes sense why its scary for us younger people - scary and a lot of responsibility. 

But it'd be amazing I think.

Marriage, given by God from the beginning, is good (because God gives good gifts). As long as we don't burden it with our expectations that it be about us or give us meaning and purpose - things it wasn't supposed to give - it could be a great adventure.

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As a postscript, 

I'd like to say very seriously that I do not - I do not - think that we have to be married to be complete, or that being married is the grand aim of the human's existence. Walking with God through Christ is the grand aim for which we were made, and after that, whatever God has ordained for our lives. But that's another blog!

I do think that this is a difficult and larger topic and if you have any thoughts on it, I would love to hear them. 

Thanks for reading.

Love ya'll. 

* I am indebted to Tim Keller's Meaning of Marriage and many of my observations are rooted in his book.

** I am indebted here to Francis Chan's Together, Forever for first making me think of marriage as mission.